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    愿與清秋為友

    愿與清秋為友 秋天給我的印象總是與黃昏連在一起的,陽光仍在但已并不耀眼奪目,地下散落著一片片陰影,綠樹的顏色已變得朦朧、褪色,又不完全,黃綠錯綜。在陽光下一晃一晃的,一副與世無爭的樣子。風里已帶了點涼意。 紹興的秋天,清風綠水,我對故鄉秋的憶念是模糊的,甚至是陌生的,在我生命的年中,好像也只與它邂逅了幾次而已,想到這里,眼前的景便暗了下來,仿佛穿過一條條弄堂,高高的弄墻,青濕的細磚,凹凸的石路,人煙稀少,淡雨蒙蒙,偶爾有人撐傘斜走,到一個宅子們前,叩門,敲門柄,無人應門,推了推,“咯吱”一聲打開進去,天井里郁郁的草木,順墻而上油油綠得發亮的青苔,墻際已染成墨色,在雨中靜默著。正堂里空著,老式的木桌椅上霉漬可見,上樓去吧,我望望窗欞,奶奶每天會在西邊看夕陽,拾級而上,迎面來的是香爐中縷縷青煙。有人坐在躺椅上,咯吱咯吱搖著,她的腳掩在黑色的長氈下面,她的手擱在膝上,可她的臉埋在光的陰影中,不看我。窗戶外面是夕陽和霞光,金燦燦地照進來,把人熔化掉。幾段殘缺的記憶粘在一起,那便是奶奶最后的秋天,也是秋天中的最后一輪夕陽,什么也沒有了,我不知道奶奶的姓名,也不知道她的生日,除了知道她是我奶奶外好像什么也沒有了,她不怎講話,淡漠,甚至悲觀,夕陽是美麗的,秋天是美的,越看,心越淡,到最后也就剩下一副軀殼了,奶奶是個古典型的女子吧,庭院深深深幾許?秋天的夕陽一落,人也隨之而去,平安低調地過一生。 不知哪兒來的一股哀傷,秋天,因為她的落葉,她的蕭蕭寒風,因為她的歸鴻,已成為哀傷的代名詞了嗎?已經是生命走向寂靜的時候了嗎?人也總要選擇孤單和悲傷,在自己的心中逝去嗎?我不希望如此,也相信絕不是如此。奶奶的秋天在她沒日沒夜的嘆息中從姑蘇的繁華的影子中終于隱去了,或許她希望如此,每一個人都有自己獨特的生存方式,奶奶的選擇不能說是錯,但也是無助,無奈的吧。 秋風卷地,其實萬物本無情,有的是人們一己的得失和歡悲,春香秋冬的循環往復,人的悲歡離合,沒有什么必然聯系吧,那為什么一定要將它們套入枷鎖中去鎖住自己呢?秋天是荒寂的,可并不是沒有生命的。多少生命在秋光中競自由呢?

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